CHAPTER 4: no. 081 [RED, pt.2: thank you for the venom...]

"Thank You For The Venom" by My Chemical Romance

"For the poison of hatred seated near the heart doubles the burden
for the one who suffers the disease;
he is burdened with his own sorrow,
and groans on seeing another's happiness."
-Aeschylus

And we've come full circle. Sister I'm not much...you could never understand. The evil I thought I could control, back for another run, filtrating my thoughts, my behavior, my very existence. It's back...

Even so called "experts" can't figure it out, wearing the title "specialist" upon them, throwing more poison in the form of pills my way, because money is more important than health. It's not a solution, just a temporary escape. I'm just the way that the doctor made me...on and on and on and on.

Triggered by the venomous hand that hatred has dealt, betrayed by my own flesh and blood. It's funny, because at first it seemed as if the most horrible outcome possible, but now that more time has passed it's almost become a useful detriment, chiming in it's two cents:

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

Preach all you want, but who's gonna save me. I keep a gun on the book you gave me. Hallelujah lock and load ...instead of looking at it as my enemy I'm taking a different approach. Because what has caused it's return is all the negativity, all the poison, all the venom. It's a bottomless pit being fueled by the hatred put into it, but this time I am not the one with my hand on the trigger...

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

Keep it up, call me weak, say it's because I'm too sensitive, because my biggest detriment is quickly becoming my biggest ally.

It's something I could never kill, so how will you be able to? Keep poking, keep prodding, keep thinking as if this whole thing is just a game, because you are clearly not in control...you're just another pawn...the main pawn. A little left of center and very expendable is what you are, and the best part is that you know it. You just try your best to ignore the strings on you. You just keep pushing my buttons trying to send me over the edge so that you can feel better about yourself, but...

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
You wanna follow something
Give me a better cause to lead
Just give me what I need
Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

You have brought this back; you have undone all the work I slaved over, putting it back in it's cage. But now, instead of releasing my weakness, you've turned it into my strength. And for all the negative comments, the bitter pills shoved my way, the lack of understanding, and everything in between I simply say...

THANK YOU FOR THE VENOM.

:)