CHAPTER 11: no. 088 [disenchanted...]

"Disenchanted" by My Chemical Romance

Every time I picture this I can't help but think about sitting in a dark, empty movie theater. That's the way I like to picture it. When it's finally over you sit there, and watch your life. But what happens when I get to this part? Do I keep my eyes open? Do I watch with a smile? I wonder how I will see things if I take myself out of the picture, and see it as a spectator.

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

I know the beginning will get me. It will draw me in, because it's so cliche', so perfect; that story of boy meets girl. It's sweet, simple, perfect. But I know somewhere along the line the story will twist, and it will hurt to sit there and watch it all unfold, because I won't be able to stay unbiased, and I will eventually hate myself for everything that has happened; both what I had done, and what I hadn't.

If I'm so wrong
(so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long?
(night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learned a goddamned thing.

Because eventually I'll get to the point where I'll realize...

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
Well if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

Flash forward the love scenes, the kisses, the embraces, and start to realize the lies that this was all built upon. The late night talks, the fights, the vicious cycle. Simple words like home and runaway now redefined with hidden meanings and symbolism. Silent treatments, hand in hand with months of separation, only for ears to hear the secret words that are there for everyone to see, but still, you listened...

If I'm so wrong
(so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long?
(night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learned
a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

And then it will finally get to that scene...

So go, go away...
that warm night in September...
just go...
and hopefully I'll be able to see clearly...
run away.
that you were the one who truly ran away.

But where did you run to?
And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

Because when all is said and done, I've bit my tongue so much my mouth is full of blood. But do I owe you anything? I could sit here and write down everything that I've wanted to tell you, but when I really think about it, there's nothing I could say to make you stay, so what could I say to make you realize what you have caused that you don't already know? Because I know the pain of the mistakes that you've made is haunting and hurtful enough, and you don't need me to sit here and remind you that...

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
Well if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

At all, at all, at all, at all...

Part of me will remain disappointed, and disenchanted, because once upon a time, I was in love, and everything, everything was perfect, even if it meant much more to me than anyone else. And I will still have all those lingering questions, but if I can find solace in anything, it would be in the fact that even though it was much harder for me, I can sit there as this twisted love story fades to black, and I can finally say that I've let it all go, even if at one time it meant the world to me.